Kenna FWatching your child as a teenager in high school can be extremely difficult. High school brings academic challenges, new friendships, increased independence, and the opportunity to discover oneself. For all young people, these years are filled with uncertainty and growth. For every parent of a child with autism, these experiences can be both heightened and substantially different. They can also bring unique questions, worries, and uncertainties.
The social aspects of high school can, for some, be difficult and unforgiving. Teenagers are still learning empathy, patience, and understanding, and not every child possesses or can demonstrate these qualities. Misunderstandings, social pressures, and the desire to fit in can create challenges for autistic children who may already be struggling to navigate social communication and peer relationships, sensory sensitivities, and masking.
As mentioned, the high school experience for an autistic child is a journey filled with opportunities for growth, independence, self-discovery, and achievement. Understanding how to navigate the challenges and opportunities of that journey is essential for children with autism to get the most from their school experiences.
As a teacher working in a Specialized Autism Support program, I have witnessed both the struggles and successes that my autistic students experience during their high school years. This article explores those experiences and examines how parents can support young people as they go through what can be argued as the most important and informative years of their lives.
Social Communication and Peer Relationships
Friendships can be incredibly important for autistic individuals, but it is equally important to recognise that not everyone wants a large social circle. Throughout my teaching career, I have worked with students whose parents desperately wanted them to have more friends. However, those students were perfectly happy with one or two close relationships—or sometimes none at all. That is okay. Many have gone on to college, employment, and have had successful adult lives. As parents, our role is not to force friendships, but to provide opportunities and encourage confidence while supporting your child’s self-advocacy.
Many autistic people prefer friendships based on shared interests rather than frequent social interaction. Some may spend time together doing completely different activities and still consider each other close friends. The challenge often comes when there are disagreements, misunderstandings, or unexpected changes. Difficulties with perspective-taking, flexibility, and understanding social expectations can sometimes lead to frustration or anxiety.
In my classroom, we actively teach social skills such as greetings, turn-taking, active listening, changing topics appropriately, and recognising when others want to contribute to a conversation. However, understanding these skills in theory is often easier than applying them in real-life situations. We attempt to do this by using role-play and modelling in a safe environment, before practising in real-life settings.
Providing safe opportunities to practise social interactions through games, group activities, and supported discussions helps children develop confidence, resilience, and relationship skills. Ultimately, healthy friendships are built on understanding, acceptance, patience, and mutual respect, and they should always feel real to the individual.
Sensory Experiences
Sensory difficulties can occur in almost any situation at school; tasks that many people carry out without a second thought. Getting lunch in the cafeteria, sitting in a gymnasium, walking through crowded hallways, or attending a pep rally can be overwhelming for an autistic child. Loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, crowded spaces, and social interactions can all contribute to sensory overload and increased anxiety throughout the school day.
For many children with autism, the challenge is not just one sensory experience but several throughout the day. A noisy classroom, followed by a busy hallway and a crowded lunch period, can leave your child feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by the time they finish lunch. Social situations can also be draining, contributing further to sensory fatigue and emotional stress.
These sensory challenges do not just apply to high school. Many young adults take on new jobs during high school. Sensory difficulties can occur in the workplace itself, busy public spaces, or when wearing specific uniforms made of materials that can feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
Planning before your child begins high school can make a big difference. Parents are a teacher’s greatest resource, and they are able to identify and recognize sensory triggers before anyone else. They should discuss concerns with school counsellors and raise sensory needs during IEP or 504 meetings. Noise-cancelling headphones, sensory breaks, fidget tools, access to quiet spaces, and gradual exposure to new environments such as larger cafeterias or school pep rallies can be helpful accommodations.
Masking
Masking is often seen in high school by children with autism. This is where children will hide their autism and copy behaviors to socially fit in. Masking is sometimes called camouflaging, and can be both conscious and subconscious. Many parents are often surprised to hear that their child masks in school. Those who have autism often spend a lot of time and energy trying to “fit in” during the school day before finally feeling safe enough to relax when they get home.
Children with autism may quickly learn that they may appear different from others, and therefore they may wish to attempt to hide their differences. They will modify their behavior in an attempt to blend into their surroundings. One of the most common forms of masking is social mirroring. In my work, I have seen many children with autism do this, even amongst their own peer group, changing their phrases, mannerisms, dress and speech patterns to “fit in” with those around them.
Masking can also involve suppressing natural self-regulation behaviors, often known as stimming. Repetitive movements such as hand flapping, rocking, tapping, or other sensory behaviors can be important tools that help autistic individuals regulate emotions. These help support sensory input and enable individuals with autism to feel comfortable in challenging environments. When these are constantly suppressed, it can contribute to increased anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and autistic burnout.
Unmasking is not always an easy process and may involve learning to understand personal needs, social boundaries, and self-advocacy. There is no single correct approach, and every individual’s experience will be different. For some children, it may involve making small changes, using sensory supports, taking planned sensory breaks, or developing confidence in expressing their authentic selves.
The most important part of supporting autistic individuals is creating environments where they feel accepted and understood. Children should not feel pressured to hide who they are in order to belong. True inclusion comes from valuing differences and providing the support needed for every child to participate, communicate, and thrive.
Supporting Your Child
As parents, it’s often difficult to know what your children face on a daily basis and what challenges occur beyond your control. Understanding what to expect and developing your understanding will enable you to help your child advocate and engage in developing their experiences in high school. Working with educators and listening to your child’s needs and experiences is key to fostering the strongest foundation for your child’s success.
High school years are a significant time in a young person’s life; children learn academics, grow, work through challenges and learn independence. For students with autism, this may look different, but not less meaningful.
Supporting your autistic child through high school is not about removing every challenge or preventing difficult experiences. Rather, it is about helping them recognize obstacles, develop the skills they need to navigate daily life, and build the confidence to succeed. As educators, parents, and communities, we can support them by creating environments that recognize and value the unique ways autistic children experience and understand the world.
Every autistic student has their own strengths, interests, and challenges. Providing understanding, acceptance, and support helps build confidence and independence, allowing them to achieve success both inside and outside the classroom.
High school should not simply be about preparing young people with autism for employment or further education. It should also be about helping them discover who they are, develop self-confidence, and gain the tools they need to thrive, contribute, and truly belong.
About the Author
Christopher Tysall holds a Master’s degree in Special Education and is a Special Education teacher who oversees a Specialized Autism Support (SAS) program at a high school in South Carolina. He has nearly 10 years of experience working in special education across England and the United States, supporting students with autism and other learning differences.
In addition to his classroom experience, Chris has conducted independent research into autism and special education and is the author of several practical guides and handbooks for educators and families. His work focuses on promoting understanding, inclusion, and meaningful support for autistic individuals both in school and beyond.
Looking for your next read? Check out these articles:
- Top 10 Books for Autistic Teens: Representation & Growth without Ableism
- Forming strong relationships with teachers in preschool, K-12, college, or graduate school
- Rupture and Repair: Neurodivergent Trauma and Trust
- Neurodivergent masking: What is it, why we do it, and unorthodox advice on how to cope
- 5 Tips to Managing Sensory Overload When Seeking Accommodations Isn’t an Option
