Sophia KDo you feel your heart race when your boss adds “just one more thing” to your plate? Does the thought of regular team meetings make you want to call in sick? If you’re nodding along, you might be experiencing Pathological Demand Avoidance (or as many of us prefer to call it, Persistent Drive for Autonomy) aka PDA in the workplace.
As someone who also thrives when I’m allowed to be autonomous, you’re not alone in finding workplace demands particularly challenging—especially in an economy that has only been increasing the cost of living and capitalising as much as it can. Whether you’re working in a bustling office or remotely from your home sanctuary, the constant stream of expectations can feel overwhelming. But here’s the good news: with the right strategies and boundaries, you can not only survive but thrive in your professional life.
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Understanding PDA in the Workplace
PDA at work isn’t about being difficult or uncooperative – and it’s not just about how your brain processes and responds to demands. Yes, those seemingly simple requests from colleagues or supervisors can trigger an intense anxiety response, making even routine tasks feel insurmountable. This might show up as:
- Procrastinating on important projects despite knowing the deadlines
- Feeling overwhelmed by regular check-ins or meetings
- Struggling with rigid schedules or unexpected changes
- Experiencing anxiety when receiving direct instructions or assignments
But, these are just the usual reasons we hear. For me, I found that I get really entrenched in pushing back against demands if I was not allowed any flexibility, or if last minute changes were being introduced without any room for discussion. Sometimes, the people I was working with would even talk to me like I didn’t have any expertise at all—which just isn’t going to be a good time for anyone whether they’re neurodivergent or not.
Three Empowering Strategies for PDA Workplace Success
It’s important to try and take some time when you notice that you’re in reaction mode. Take a few deep breaths and step away from the situation if it is safe to do so. Then, identify what happened that led to your reaction to the situation. Was it internal, or were they doing something that made you realize you had to protect yourself?
In both scenarios, consider what your next steps could be e.g. speaking with the person to open a discussion of more collaborative ways they can enter the situation, apologizing for your reaction and requesting accommodations for preventative measures so the working relationship can improve, or that you might need to reflect on yourself internally to address the reaction you had to build your skills in adjusting and navigating the situation on your own.
So here’s three empowering strategies for workplace success.
1. Reframe Demands into Choices
Instead of viewing tasks as mandatory demands, try recasting them as choices that align with your goals. Remember, there’s more than one way to get to the same destination. Just because it isn’t what you would do, doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way. For instance, we know that 2+2 = 4. But we know 3+1 also equals 4. It’s all about the end goal. You can consider reframing examples like:
- “I have to attend this meeting” reframed as, “I choose to attend this meeting to contribute my insights in supporting the project to move forward.”
- “My boss needs this report” reframed as, “I’m completing this report to showcase my expertise.”
Not only does this subtle shift in perspective help reduce the automatic resistance that comes with PDA, but it also helps identify what part of you becomes activated. For instance, maybe you don’t think your contributions in meetings are valuable, or maybe you’ve been made to feel like you have no value at meetings.
2. Create Your Autonomy Zones
Personally, I find that the more rigid my superiors are, the more likely I am to defend my autonomy. Again, who wouldn’t wish to defend having control over how they do their work. Even in structured workplace environments, you can carve out spaces of autonomy. For example:
- Request flexible working hours whenever and wherever possible.
- Set up your workspace in a way that feels comfortable and personal.
- Build in regular breaks where you’re in complete control of what you do with your time.
- Use noise-cancelling headphones or create other boundaries when needed.
It’s not easy to create boundaries in a paradigm that thinks of you as selfish for doing so, but it’s so important for each of us to build our skills in maintaining our boundaries so we don’t betray our values or our core selves while also ensuring that we’re not using our boundaries to control others.
3. Communicate Your Working Style
It’s not always safe to do so, but consider openly communicating about your needs and advocating for yourself where possible. For instance:
- Discuss your preferred communication methods with your supervisor if you feel it is safe to do so.
- Request written instructions for detailed tasks.
- Negotiating deadlines when possible, and yes this is a skill that can be developed.
- Setting up a system for managing unexpected demands e.g. creating an urgent list for things that need immediate priority, or having a special notepad for running tasks.
Taking the Next Step
Understanding and managing PDA at work is a journey, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Neurodiverging, we specialize in neuro-affirming support neurodivergent professionals like you in creating work strategies that honor your autonomous nature while meeting ‘professional expectations’ set by this paradigm.
Whenever you’re ready to transform your work life, our specialized 1:1 coaching sessions are bespoke and can cater to your needs as a professional with PDA in the workplace. We’ll work together to develop personalized strategies that align with your unique needs and work dynamics.
Take Action Today
Book your initial consultation with one of our neuro-affirming coaches. Together, we’ll create a roadmap to workplace success that feels authentic to you.
You can also read more about Neurodiverging coaches on our website or email us to schedule your first session. Your supported journey to a more empowered work life starts here.
Remember: Our need for autonomy is fundamental. With the right support and strategies, you can create a work life that honors both your professional goals and your neurodivergence.
