Danielle SullivanWe are diving into a crucial, yet often misunderstood, topic: the difference between trauma response and autistic meltdown. Both can look intense from the outside, but they come from very different places. Understanding these differences is key to providing the right kind of support to your autistic loved ones. Today, we’re going to break it all down in a way that’s neurodivergent-affirming and backed by the neuroscience.
Read on to learn more, and don’t forget to grab your free sensory overwhelm workbook!
This article has been adapted into a podcast episode. Watch instead:
Contents
Mentioned in Episode:
Barrett, Lisa Feldman. How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. Chapter 4, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2017. (Buy on Amazon or Bookshop. A small portion of your purchase goes to support Neurodiverging, at no extra cost to you.)
Barrett, Lisa Feldman. “The Simplistic ‘Fight or Flight’ Idea Undervalues the Brain’s Predictive Powers.” Scientific American, 21 www.scientificamerican.com/article/simplistic-fight-or-flight-idea-undervalues-the-brains-predictive-powers/.
From Neurodiverging:
Understanding Rigidity in Autism: www.neurodiverging.com/understanding-rigidity-in-autism/
What Helps Adults with Sensory Processing Disorder? www.neurodiverging.com/what-helps-adults-with-sensory-processing-disorder/.
How Autistic Trauma Compromises Executive Function: https://www.neurodiverging.com/how-autistic-trauma-compromises-executive-function/
Autism and Overwhelm at Work: https://www.neurodiverging.com/autism-and-overwhelm-at-work-with-danielle-sullivan/
Autistics Process Environments Differently: https://www.neurodiverging.com/autistics-process-environments-differently/
Grab our free 14-page workbook to help you kick sensory overwhelm to the curb. Pick it up right here.
Autistic Overwhelm or Trauma? Understanding the Differences.
Hello my friends, and welcome back to the Neurodiverging Podcast. We are diving into a crucial yet often misunderstood topic: the difference between trauma response and autistic meltdown. Both can look intense from the outside, but they come from very different places. Understanding these differences is key to providing the right kind of support to your autistic loved ones.
So today, we’re going to break it down in a way that’s neurodivergent-affirming and backed by the neuroscience. And to make it easier to understand, I’m going to share some personal experiences from myself and some of my crew along the way. Thank you so much for being here today.
We’re about to dive in and I do want to, as always, thank my patrons at patreon.com/neurodiverging. This suggestion was actually brought up by one of my patrons in our Discord channel, and in researching it we couldn’t really find anything about it, and so we decided to create our own. So thank you so much to that patron for bringing to light this question and the lack of resources around it.
If you would like to support the podcast and research and episodes like this, you can join us over at patreon.com/neurodiverging. You can also find transcripts, blog posts, and lots more on our blog at neurodiverging.com.
What We’re Covering
I’m going to break down this episode into a couple parts for y ‘all so that you can understand what we’re talking about. First, we’re going to talk about trauma response, what it is, what it means, what it looks like. Then we’re going to talk about autistic meltdown, same thing, what it is, what it means, what it looks like.
We’re going to compare and contrast these two things, what they look like from the outside, what they feel like from the inside, and why they’re happening. Then, I’ll give you a rundown of some supports that you can put in place, whether it’s for you or for your kiddo or for your partner or whoever, your friend, so that you can actually help. You can actually help.
Understanding Trauma
First, we’re going to talk about what trauma responses are. To understand trauma responses, we’re going to look at them through the lens of the psychological construction approach, which was developed by Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, who is a very highly quoted neuroscientist in the field of emotions and emotional construction.
Instead of thinking of trauma responses as automatic, hardwired reactions, we can instead understand them through new science as being constructed by the brain based on our past experiences, our context, and making predictions about safety and danger. The old science was really looking at trauma responses as coming from sort of this back lizard brain, and we know now that that construction of trauma experience is not really accurate.
What we’re looking at instead is that trauma is constructed by our experiences and our brain trying to predict our future based on our past experiences. Our brains are prediction machines. When we encounter a situation, our brain doesn’t just react, it predicts what’s gonna happen next based on our personal past experiences, and then it constructs a response based on those past experiences.
A trauma response happens when the brain perceives danger, whether that’s real or not, based on previous learning, our personal previous learning. This is not a conscious choice; it’s the brain using past experiences to interpret the present. For example, if you can imagine someone who grew up in an environment were loud voices often meant conflict or danger. Now as adults, if they hear raised voices in a completely safe setting, like maybe a really passionate debate among friends about their favorite TV show, that person’s brain might still predict danger and trigger a response, like fleeing in the room or shutting down, even though no danger is really present.
Their body isn’t reacting to the actual present moment of these friends having a friendly
debate, but rather to the meaning their brain has constructed from past experiences of people yelling. So this explains why trauma responses sometimes seem disproportionate to an outside observer. The brain is making a best guess about what’s happening and repairing the body to deal with a perceived threat.
That’s why someone might freeze during a confrontation even when they’re not in real danger. Their brain is constructing a response based on previous experiences where freezing was the best survival strategy. Another example, I don’t even remember what experience this response is based out of, but I have an obscene startle response personally any time anyone comes up behind me. if I did not know you were there, even if you are very kind, very patient and someone I trust, if you walk up behind me, I will have a big physical startle response.
At some point in my life, my brain learned that I should flee danger whenever someone comes up behind me. Again, I don’t even remember whatever the thing was that caused my brain to learn that and predict it. But even now, when I am in a very safe space and in with people I trust, I still have a giant startle when someone comes up behind me.
This is kind of an example of a trauma response that doesn’t cause me too much disturbance, but is still there. Other people, obviously, have much more intense trauma responses based on their past experiences. But just to give you a range of what a trauma response can look like, it can start all the way from having a very big startle response all the way up to freezing, running, or fighting when that trauma response is instigated.
Here’s a link to some recent research discussed in a Scientific American article, which challenges that traditional fight-or-flight view of trauma. It emphasizes instead that the brain is constantly predicting and preparing responses based on learned experiences. And this predictive nature means that trauma responses are not just reactive, but are deeply tied to how our brain constructs meaning from past experience.
We, as humans, are meaning makers. The more we learn about ourselves, the more that seems to be true. And the more that we understand that humans are meaning makers, the better we can approach trauma with compassion and the knowledge that healing is possible, not by unlearning trauma, but by giving the brain new safe experiences to reshape our predictions over time.
Understanding Autistic Meltdown
Autistic meltdown is completely different from a trauma response. Autistic meltdown is not about survival; it’s about overload … sensory, emotional, or cognitive overload, and sometimes all three at once.
Meltdowns happen when our brain has taken in too much information and can’t process any more information. Again, going to Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, her research on the body budget can help us to understand this better. Our brains manage our energy resources and our brains constantly predict and adjust to keep us in balance. When an autistic person is exposed to excessive sensory input, emotional stress, or cognitive strain, our body budgets become depleted. It makes it impossible for us to regulate further. Our nervous system shifts into a state of overwhelm, which leads to meltdown.
Meltdowns can often look like intense reactions, crying, yelling, shutting down, self -soothing behaviors like rocking or even self -harm, escaping, running. But, they’re not voluntary and they’re definitely not manipulative. That’s one of the biggest myths I hear, especially from parents of young children. These meltdowns are not manipulative
behavior, they are a response behavior. And more than likely, the autistic person [is not focused on] having these big reactions. They are just focused on complete overwhelm.
Tesni’s Story
Here’s an example. I have a friend, Tesni, who’s neurodivergent, and one day they were in a crowded grocery store, and the grocery store had recently reorganized everything, and so nothing was where it was supposed to be, which disrupted Tesni completely. There were also the traditional bright fluorescent lights, the music, and lots of people around.
Tesni’s brain simply couldn’t handle the overload, and here is a quote from them. Tesni said:
My head felt heavy. My brain felt like it was wrapped in a thick fog. My eyes didn’t want to focus, or would get snagged on one thing for no reason. And forming coherent thoughts, not to mention speech, was beyond me. I knew I needed to sit or lie down, close my eyes, and have as little noise, light, and smells around me as possible. I am incredibly grateful and fortunate for my partner’s understanding. There was no way I could have driven us home, and as my partner drove, they respected my unspoken need for peace and quiet. I spent most of the ride with my eyes closed, just breathing, waiting for the noise of the turn signal and the traffic sounds to stop causing me physical pain.
This is an example of a shutdown, an overwhelm response, where Tesni was so unable to process everything that was going through their nervous system that they became mute and shut down. Over time, we’re able to start to reprocess everything and come back out of it, but it took a long time. They needed their compassionate partners to take control of the situation and move them back home to a safe space and to stay quiet and calm. Then they were able to co-regulate.
If you’d like to read more about Tesni’s experience, this quote I pulled is from an article that they wrote for the Neurodiverging blog. Thank you so much, Tesni!
Similarly, while I was researching this, I remembered we also have an article from our writer Sophia, also about getting overwhelmed in a grocery store, but this time that article focuses on autistic rigidity and how it’s not really rigidity. So, if you are interested in people’s experiences in grocery stores as neurodivergents, or if you’re interested in autistic rigidity, I’ll put that here too.
I’ve also personally talked about autistic overwhelm quite often on the podcast, so I’ll put some links above to previous podcast episodes, but this is certainly something I personally experienced a ton, and it gets worse during burnout, of course, as well. So if you are interested in this, please check out the links down above, or you can always send us an email and we’ll give you a roundup of the articles and resources that we have around this topic.
Compare and Contrast Autistic Overwhelm and Autistic Trauma Response
Now you know about trauma responses and you know about autistic shutdown and meltdown and overwhelm. Let’s summarize the main differences:
Root Causes:
Trauma responses come from our experiences of past threats. Meltdowns come from
present overstimulation.
Trauma responses are deeply linked to survival instincts and often occur due to past traumatic experiences. Meltdowns, shutdowns, overwhelm, on the other hand, arise from sensory or emotional overload in the present moment, often without a connection to past trauma.
Triggers:
Trauma responses are triggered by reminders of past danger. They can be specific sounds, smells, situations that unconsciously remind the brain of previous threats.
Meltdowns are usually caused by excessive sensory input, emotional stress, and /or
unexpected changes in routine. That makes them more about the immediate environment
rather than past experience.
Purposes:
Trauma responses exist to protect an individual from harm by preparing the body to fight, flea, freeze, or fawn. This mechanism is designed to keep someone safe in dangerous situations.
In contrast, overwhelm is not a protective response, but rather the result of an overwhelmed nervous system that can no longer process the incoming information from the environment efficiently or from internal information.
Awareness:
People who are experiencing a trauma response might disassociate, meaning they might not be fully aware of their reaction or even remember parts of their experience.
In contrast, an autistic person in meltdown usually knows what is happening but is not able to control our emotional or physical response due to sensory overload. We might not remember it perfectly but we remember that it happened and we know what’s happening and we can’t do anything about it.
Both of these responses are very uncomfortable, but they do have different results.
Resolutions:
Trauma responses linger long after the triggering event has ended, as the brain remains at
a heightened state of alertness.
However, overwhelm, whether that’s meltdown or shutdown, usually subsides once the stimulus is removed, and the person has had time to recover in a safe low stimulation environment. You might keep having meltdowns if you keep getting overwhelmed, but the meltdown will go away once you are no longer overwhelmed.
How to Support Us
What can we do to help, regardless of what’s going on?
Proactive Support
The first thing we always recommend in coaching is proactive support. Make a plan ahead of time. Anticipate potential challenges. We have two articles on our website and I’ll add my third voice saying that grocery stores are hard. So, if you know that grocery stores are likely to cause either a trauma response or a meltdown or shutdown, or sometimes both, then make a plan ahead of time about how you’re going to deal with the specific overwhelm or trauma associated with the grocery store environment.
This might mean looking at things like reducing sensory overload, creating quieter spaces, using noise canceling headphones or other sensory supports, or offering tools like weighted blankets, fidgets, etc.
We also want to build in recovery time to help restore that body budget and prevent other meltdowns.
I also want to say that if you’re not on our mailing list, we have a free 14 page workbook on creating a sensory plan for yourself and you can use this kind of thing exactly for this proactive support. So if you’re not on our mailing list check out the link below get on that list and just get that free booklet, and that way you can work through creating a plan for yourself with a support person if you like, so that you can proactively support yourself through these kinds of challenges.
Grab our free 14-page workbook to help you kick sensory overwhelm to the curb. Pick it up right here.
Validate Our Experiences
The second thing I’ll say is that validation plays a huge role: knowing you’re not alone and you’re not causing a problem on purpose. A lot of us who are adults who experience shutdown and meltdown or trauma responses often feel like a burden on others. That can make it harder for us to regulate over time. If people around us can validate us, they can acknowledge our feelings, acknowledge that it’s hard, don’t dismiss us when we have concerns, listen to our concerns, and help us feel supported.
You can say things like, “I see that you’re feeling overwhelmed and I’m here for you.” You can help us enact exit plans, exit strategies, or remember the supports that we have set up for ourselves ahead of time. All of those things can make a huge difference for us and our ability to be functional and happy individuals.
Education and Advocacy
Understanding the science behind trauma, (especially updating old science around trauma and the nervous system) and recognizing how overwhelm actually occurs can allow us to create more inclusive supportive environments for neurodivergent individuals everywhere.
So, please share the good stuff! If you found this helpful, please go ahead and share this episode with somebody you know; we really appreciate it. It is important to share good information.
Reach out for support. In coaching, we often make personalized meltdown or shutdown plans for individual people who come in, where we work collaboratively with the client to think through your needs in time of relative calm, and then train friends and family on what to expect and what to do when you have a meltdown or shutdown based on your wishes and goals. Then, you can come back and tweak it as you practice it and see what works and what doesn’t work.
Having a plan is a major help. You can do this with a coach (and we certainly have coaches available) but you can also check in with your therapist, your social worker, a friend that you trust, a parent and make a plan together.
I hope that this episode was helpful for you. Thank you again to my patrons for suggesting this. If you liked this episode, please leave a comment or share it along. We really appreciate it.
Let us know if you experienced meltdown, shutdown, overwhelm, or trauma responses in the comments. Help other people know that this is not an uncommon thing. We are all
dealing with this. I honestly think that people come and they read the comments and they see that they’re not alone and that just helps so much. That’s part of our validation, right? You’re not alone in what you’re dealing with. You’re not the only one going through it. And in all likelihood, it’s not your fault. We can still live better lives and create plans for ourselves and support each other through that. I hope that you will take the time to do that.
If you would like to financially support this episode and other episodes like it, you can check us out at patreon.com/neurodiverging. Thank you so much for being here today. Please remember, we are all in this together.
