Talking Too Much? Tips for Neurodivergent Folks Navigating Conversation

Sometimes, talking a lot is fun and fulfilling, especially when you’re sharing your thoughts on something you love. And often, other neurodivergent folks are thrilled to hear you go on as long as you want. But it’s also common for many neurodivergent people to feel like they talk too much, and not always in a good way.

Maybe you’ve left a conversation feeling self-conscious or unsure about how you came across. Maybe you’ve noticed that your words spill out more when you’re anxious or unsure. You’re not alone.

Why Do We Talk So Much Sometimes?

There are a few reasons why talking more than intended can happen:

• Stress and Anxiety: When we’re stressed, anxious, or struggling to self-soothe, talking can become a go-to coping mechanism.
• Cultural Mismatch: Many neurodivergent people have trouble interpreting neurotypical social cues like facial expressions and body language, and neurotypicals often miss our signals, too. This is called the double empathy problem, and it can lead to both parties feeling disconnected without knowing why.
• Impulsivity and Self-Regulation: If you’re ADHD, autistic, or otherwise neurodivergent, you might struggle with impulse control or “putting on the brakes,” even when you know you’ve been talking for a while.

None of this means you’re doing anything wrong. But if you’re looking for tools to help you feel more comfortable in conversation, especially with neurotypical folks, here are some strategies you can try.

Six Practical Tips to Support Conversational Self-Awareness

1. Notice the Feeling
Ask yourself why you might be talking more than you’d like. Are you anxious? Angry? Tired? Try making a list of a few things that help calm you down that don’t rely on talking. Practice using those tools when you feel yourself getting wound up.

2. Practice “Stop, Look, and Listen”
Every few sentences, take a breath. Stop talking, look at your conversation partner, and listen. This gives them a chance to respond, ask questions, or change the subject.

3. Write It Down
If you often interrupt, try writing down your thought instead. You can use a notepad, your phone, or even a mental mnemonic to help you remember your point until it’s a better moment to share.

4. Use a Secret Code
Work with trusted friends or family to come up with a gentle signal they can give if you’re talking a bit too long. It might be a physical sign, like scratching their head, or a funny phrase you’ve agreed on ahead of time.

5. Role-Play Conversations
Practice with a friend or family member. Take turns speaking and then asking questions about what the other person just shared. This helps build active listening and conversational give-and-take.

6. Be Patient
These are real skills that take time to build, especially if you’re under stress. Be kind to yourself and give yourself room to grow.

You’re Not Alone

I’m Danielle Sullivan, autistic coach, parent to two neurodivergent kids, and the founder of Neurodiverging. I created this platform in 2020 to offer more support and resources for mixed neurodivergent and neurotypical families, and to contribute to broader disability awareness and justice.

If you’re working on communication, self-regulation, or just want to better understand yourself, you’re welcome here. You can check out the Neurodiverging podcast, or book a free discovery call if you’re curious about coaching.