The holiday season, with its bustling atmosphere and cacophony of sounds, can be a joyous occasion for many. However, for autistic individuals, this sensory overload can be overwhelming. Whether you’re an autistic person seeking ways to communicate your needs, or a parent or friend interested in supporting autistic loved ones during holiday parties, understanding how to create a positive, stress-free environment is essential. Here are some strategies to help autistic individuals feel safe and comfortable during busy gatherings.
Note: This post has been compiled from ideas Danielle shared in an earlier podcast episode, “How to Be Together Without Talking (For Neurodivergent Families).” Listen to the podcast here.
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Supporting Autistic Loved Ones During Holiday Parties
First, picture this: You’re an autistic person who’s traveled to your aunt’s house for Thanksgiving. It’s loud, there’s a lot of food, and there are many people you don’t know well. After a while, you find yourself needing a quiet space to decompress. You retreat to a quiet room, but soon someone else enters. How can this person help you feel comfortable without adding to your stress?
Understanding and Managing Your Own Discomfort
The first step in supporting an autistic person is to address any discomfort you may have with silence or non-traditional social interactions. Many people feel uneasy when someone else prefers solitude or quietness. Reflect on why you feel this way. Is it because you have certain expectations about social behavior? Understanding your discomfort can help you better support your autistic loved one without projecting your anxieties onto them.
Allow for Different Social Behaviors
Understand that autistic individuals may express ourselves differently. We might prefer side-eye contact instead of direct eye contact, or might engage in stimming behaviors like pacing or hand-flapping to self-regulate. Accept these behaviors without judgment as part of our way of interacting with the world.
Building Trust
Building trust is crucial. If an autistic person senses your discomfort, it might make us feel more uneasy. Engage in self-reflection exercises or visualizations to prepare yourself for interactions. Think about what might make you uncomfortable and why, and work through these feelings so you can be a supportive presence.
Creating a Safe and Comfortable Space
1. Respect Our Need for Quiet:
If an autistic person retreats to a quiet space, respect our need for solitude. This doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy your company; we might just need a break from the sensory overload.
2. Offer Our Favorite Items
Bringing us a favorite snack, a cup of tea, or a fidget toy can show that you care. However, don’t expect a specific reaction. Making the gesture without demanding any particular response from an autistic person can help build trust and demonstrate your support.
3. Non-Verbal Communication
Sometimes a smile, a gentle touch on the shoulder, or a shared activity like a puzzle can be more meaningful than words. Always ensure that the type of touch or interaction is something we are comfortable with.
Engage in Parallel Play
Autistic folks often enjoy parallel play—being near someone while doing separate activities. Simply sitting in the same room, reading a book while we listen to music, can create a sense of camaraderie without the pressure to interact verbally.
There are also some activities that you can share that don’t put high demands on most autistic people. Some examples are:
- Board Games and Puzzles: Having a puzzle or a quiet game available can provide a shared activity without the need for constant conversation.
- Pets and Animals: Interacting with pets can be soothing. Playing fetch with a dog or petting a cat can be calming activities to share.
- Video Games: Cooperative video games can be a fun way to interact without the need for much talking.
Lower Demands and Offer Support
By managing your own discomfort and understanding the unique ways autistic individuals may need to interact, you can create a supportive and enjoyable environment for us during busy family gatherings. Whether you’re sitting quietly together, offering a safe, quiet room for them, or engaging in a low-key activity, your efforts to accommodate our needs can foster a sense of trust and connection. Remember, the goal is to create a space where everyone feels safe and valued, allowing autistic guests to enjoy the gathering in our own ways.
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