CadenTrigger warning: this article briefly mentions sexual violence, Autistic trauma, child abuse, violence against Black Autistic people, ABA, and ableism.
The concept of masking has many meanings and interpretations across different groups of people, but generally it “refers to hiding your authentic self in an effort to gain greater social acceptance” (MasterClass.com, 2022). I often hear masking discussed in terms of mental health, i.e. people masking their fears and anxieties to fit in socially. Psychology Today also describes people wearing emotional masks to get others to love them and masking fear around feelings of imposter syndrome to fit in (PychologyToday.com, 2015). While there are infinite versions of masking many people could relate to, in this article I specifically discuss masking Autism.
The idea of masking Autism is one that may be similar in theory to masking other qualities, but it is inherently different in its origin. For Autists, masking is a crucial survival skill adopted, often subconsciously, to rid ourselves of all Autistic traits. We do so in an effort to pretend to be neurotypical to avoid emotional neglect, child abuse, social ostracism, and general alienation from society at large. The unfortunate truth is that all those traumas still happen regardless of masking, they just maybe occur at less extreme levels than if we were fully unmasked Autistics. The social ostracism may appear more subtle towards masked Autistics, but the effects are just as harmful. Anything that requires us to change the inherent qualities of our being can be incredibly traumatic.
My unmasking journey began when I lived alone, and still it was incredibly difficult. I always had a sinking feeling that I was being perceived and had to change my posture, tone, body movements, and so on. I was only able to unmask when all my blinds were closed with curtains over them, I was shut in my room, white noise was on, my doors were triple-locked, and not even my cat could be in the same room as me watching me. That’s how deep masking fear and shame goes. Early on in my journaling days, I found myself even masking my personal writing that no one would see; changing my writing style as if someone was reading over my shoulder judging my every move.
Autistic people mask because we are scared of receiving yet another traumatizing social rebuke that eats away at our soul, being, body, and mind. The idea of unmasking Autism is far more complex than simply deciding to unmask one day. Masking is not a switch we can just flip on and off. For Autistic folks, masking becomes part of our personality, or lack thereof, and it’s not as simple as just undoing it. Masking is a performance that we morph into our personality. Masks are created as a result of prolonged social conditioning and social trauma. Our bodies have physiological responses to being around other people and social situations; we’ve been conditioned to act a certain way and that cannot and will not change overnight. Unmasking Autism is a lifelong journey, with the realization that we’re masking at all being the starting point.
I found this meme on Facebook and it looks like it originated from @kitrenautie:
The above image is a meme I found in an online Autism group and is incredibly relevant to this topic. The text reads:
Person: “but you don’t look autistic!”
Me: I learned against my own will how to hide my entire being at a young age as a result of chronic, repetitive child abuse, emotional neglect, bullying, ostracism, and social isolation simply because I’m autistic that lasted over a decade, causing me to involuntarily mask on a daily basis and become a bitter, confused disassociating mess of a human shell who for a long time believed that there was something horribly wrong with me as an existing human being and couldn’t comprehend that I was just different and that there was actually nothing wrong with me and I never came to terms with it until early adulthood and that’s why, my friend, I don’t “look” autistic to you.
In Devon Price’s (pronouns He/It) book Unmasking Autism, he compares the compulsory masking of Autistic traits to being born in the closet as a queer individual:
A closeted gay person doesn’t just decide one day to be closeted — they’re essentially born into the closet because heterosexuality is normative and being gay is treated as a rare afterthought or an aberration. Similarly, Autistic people are born with the mask of neurotypicality pressed against our faces (Devon Price, 2022).
It goes on to explain how masking is “not necessarily a conscious choice” and “is a state of exclusion forced onto us from the outside.”
It is also important to note that masking to conform to neurotypicality often goes hand in hand with masking to conform to whiteness, as the oppressive structures of ableism and white supremacy are inherently interconnected and cannot exist without each other. For this reason, some Black Autists report similarities between masking Autism and codeswitching. In the article “Autistic While Black in the UK: Masking, Codeswitching, and Other (Non)fictions,” Tré Ventour-Griffiths (He/Him) talks about his experience with masking and codeswitching as a Black Autistic person in the UK. He says, “masking and codeswitching are common in many autistic lives. Yet, narratives about being autistic while Black are scarce in popular media.” Ventour-Griffiths also goes on to explain that:
[being] autistic while Black, you may see how masking is necessary to survive in this world. And growing up in Britain, I find myself having to learn the codes of both white and Black neurotypicals which are very different. Yet, ultimately, failing at both.
Ventour-Griffiths’ article is incredibly insightful, and I urge readers of my piece to take the time to read his as well (the article has an estimated read time at 90–150mins, so plan accordingly).
Moreover, Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) “therapy” is crucial to mention in the conversation on masking Autism, as ABA is the “gold standard treatment” for Autism that teaches children to mask (which based on what you’ve read in this article, you should know how harmful masking is and how evil it is to teach kids to do it at all). ABA was created by the same person that created conversion therapy, Dr. Ole Ivar Lovaas. ABA is to Autistics what conversion therapy is to gay people. Some Autistic adult survivors refer to ABA “therapy” as Autism conversion therapy.
Autistic Self-Advocates Against ABA describe the horrors and torture of the origins of ABA:
At its roots, ABA was a physically abusive practice designed by Dr. Ole Ivar Lovaas in the 1960s. Lovaas’ methods focused heavily on aversives to change autistic children’s behaviors, and particularly focused on eliminating stimming; he referred to stimming as ‘garbage behavior’ (A., 2020).
A stim is typically a repetitive behavior such as rocking or flapping, which serves to manage stress, cope with sensory overload, and regulate emotions. Stimming is a form of self-soothing and self-stimulation, and research has shown it is a healthy coping mechanism for autistic people to have (A., 2020). Lovaas punished children for stimming through shouting “no,” slapping them, and even through the use of electric shocks (A., 2020).
ABA is referred to as “therapy” or as “treatment,” though I think it is much more accurate to name it for what it is: conditioning. Though, I assume, many ABA practitioners do not have insidious intentions, the impact of their practice and work is traumatizing beyond repair. ABA teaches Autistics to change everything about ourselves and it conditions us to think that being Autistic is fundamentally wrong. ABA tells Autistic people that who they are naturally is incorrect, and that they must conform to normative expectations that society has from them in order to receive love, care, attention, and get their needs met.
Survivors of ABA have since reported the horrors of the “therapy” and have high rates of C-PTSD and PTSD, yet ABA remains the primary “treatment” for Autism. The same article referenced earlier from the Autistic Self-Advocates Against ABA states: “A survey of 460 autistic adults and caregivers of autistic children evidenced that 46% of those who participated in ABA therapy met the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, and 47% of those meeting this diagnostic threshold experienced severe symptoms” (Kupferstein, 2018). ABA is rooted in needing a “cure” for who we are, when in reality Autism cannot be cured; what we really need is acceptance and inclusion from society and institutions.
Like masking, ABA teaches Autistic people how to be more palatable for allistic (non-autistic) people. ABA is created by allistic people and predicated on the fact that allistic people are uncomfortable with people being visibly Autistic, and thus Autists must change for the comfort of allistics. ABA is abuse and a large contributor to Autistic masking and trauma to this day. It is also important to mention that ABA is merely a symptom of the cis-white ableism that percolates through our societal norms.
Research also indicates that ABA conditions Autistic children to be more susceptible to abuse in other areas of life through “compliance training”; teaching kids to ignore their internal cues sets them up for many dangerous situations throughout life. For instance, if a child who has been tortured through ABA has a predatory teacher, they would likely be unable to listen to their intuition to know the situation is wrong and unsafe, as they’ve been conditioned their whole lives to ignore their body’s communications and push through discomfort at their own expense.
High masking Autistics can sometimes escape being placed in ABA, though I have heard conversation in the Autistic adult community around how Autistic kids in emotionally abusive, neglectful, and otherwise harmful upbringings have similar effects of ABA, as their parent figures shamed and invalidated their realities through informal compliance training, and thus the Autistic kids learned to cope by changing their entire identity to please others. I personally identify with this narrative very much so as I did not undergo ABA, but I had an abusive family in childhood that shamed all of my Autistic traits, invalidated my sensory suffering, and praised me when I sat still, was quiet, acted neurotypical, and presented as having no needs.
Furthermore, when Autistic folks talk about our experiences with masking, it’s not uncommon for allistic people to chime in saying “everybody masks!” While this is true that everyone masks in some way or another, it is indubitably false and offensive to suggest that everyone masks Autistic traits as a survival mechanism against structural ableism. This response from allistic people is old, exhausting, infuriating, and downright ableist in the way it erases the violence experienced by #ActuallyAutistic individuals. It’s not enough that we as Autistics undergo this violent eradication of self at a very young age just to subconsciously attempt to fit in with our allistic peers and conform to society at the expense of our sanity, health, and wellbeing, but allistic people can’t even recognize we are doing it, and attempt to undermine our lived experiences at every point. Yikes! Talk about trauma.
Prolonged masking like this often leads to Autistic folks having an unstable sense of self and reality, which can lead to some scary mental health issues. It’s important to note these mental health issues are not inherent to Autistic peoples’ genetic makeup, but are part of the complex trauma we’ve experienced from having to rid ourselves of every authentic trait since birth. The trauma of masking every innate piece of our being during formative years, and sometimes for our whole lives, has many dangerous consequences, like autoimmune disorders, derealization, depersonalization, Autistic burnout, PTSD and CPTSD, emotional distress, and more (PsychCentral, 2022). While masking Autism is an experience unique to Autists, the idea of Masking Goodness is one that impacts many people of varying neurotypes. However, while it does impact everyone, it is especially dangerous to Autistic people for the reasons mentioned above.
Caden Gabriel (they/them) has 8 years of experience working in the fields of Public Health and Mental Health. Caden is currently a Regional Project Coordinator at the Autism Society of America (ASA). Before joining ASA, Caden worked directly with Autistic kids and families providing DIR Floortime model support at homes and in schools in the DC metropolitan area. At the National Association of County and City Health Officials (NACCHO), Caden worked with communities around the country providing technical assistance to Local Health Departments on the topics of health equity, harm reduction, mental health, public safety, and public health to help communities carry out CDC-funded project activities. At the Georgetown University Medical Center, Department of Psychiatry Research, Caden managed and implemented an NIH study comparing mindfulness meditation with SSRI medication as treatments for anxiety in adults. Caden also writes part-time for Neurodiverging about their lived experiences as an Autistic adult with ADHD. Caden holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Human Development from the University of Maryland. They have future plans to become a psychotherapist for queer and neurodivergent people. In their spare time, they enjoy painting, meditating, being in nature, and lounging with their cat, Kali.
